What's in a Name?

Dear Lily and Liam,

Lately I've been thinking about some of the things I wish I'd known when I was younger – the insights that would have saved me from making life harder for myself. Since you're both growing up so fast, I want to start sharing some of these thoughts with you, beyond just my usual "milestone birthday" letters.

Today, I want to talk to you about being true to yourself – and how sometimes, that can start with something as simple as a name. I do know a bit about names, since I've had about five different ones in my lifetime. You guys know me as Dad (my favorite), and you know my legal name is Jason Hecker, but there's a bit more to the story …

Jason Aronowitz

When I was born, my mother named me Jason Aronowitz. Aronowitz was her husband and my father's last name.

I never knew the guy – he left my mom and me when I was just a toddler, while she was pregnant with my younger brother (your Uncle Bob). The only memory I have of my dad is one time when he accidentally poked me with a safety pin while changing my diaper and my mom scolding him. Funny the things that the brain remembers, huh?

Jason/Jay Ryan

After my father left, my mother remarried and changed our names to Ryan, even though her new husband never officially adopted us. Unfortunately, he never really liked your Uncle Bob and me (which he reminded us of regularly, lol), and carrying his name just felt wrong – like claiming a family bond that didn't exist.

We moved to Ohio just before I started the 8th grade, and that’s when I began going by Jay instead of Jason. It was the first time I got to choose what people called me, and while it was a small thing, it gave me a sense of control I'd never experienced before.

"Fresh"

In college, one of my roommates jokingly gave me the nickname "Fresh" – he thought it fit my personality. It caught on so completely that everyone knew me as Fresh throughout college ... and for years afterward. It was as much a part of my identity as any other name I’ve had. Maybe even more so. Even now, people from that era are like, “Wait, your name is Jason?”, lol.

Jason Hecker

Finally, when I got a little older, I legally changed my name to Jason Hecker.

Hecker was my grandfather's last name – your Great-Grandpa. He was the only father figure I ever really had, and he taught me so many important things about being a good man, about integrity, and about treating people with kindness and respect.

He passed away from leukemia in 2001. Your Aunt Denise knew about how I felt about my current name, and she suggested that I honor him by taking his. This happened right around the time I got a job as the director of an organization that helped people find work and get their GED if they didn’t finish high school. Many of them had made mistakes in their past and needed a second chance to get their lives on track.

Having made plenty of my own dumb choices growing up, I could relate to that need for a fresh start. Changing my name to Hecker just made sense.

When I finally signed the legal papers to make it official, I felt proud and relieved. I knew some people would be confused, but I would be more than happy to explain it all to them.

What I’ve Learned

Looking back, I realize each name change was really about me just trying to establish who I wanted to be. The early names came from circumstances beyond my control, but "Jay" and "Hecker" – those were my choices.

The thing is – everyone deserves to be happy with who they are as a person – and sometimes that means making changes to become your truest self. Whether it's career paths, relationships, how you express yourself, or even fundamental aspects of your identity – this freedom to choose is what makes us human.

As you grow older, I never want you to feel trapped by anything about yourselves – including your names – if changing something would make you happier or help you feel more like who you really are inside. What matters most to me is that you're healthy, kind, and look out for each other.

If there’s one thing you take from this letter, I hope it is this: you always have the right to live authentically, and be who you truly are.

But know this – the only thing that will never, ever, ever change in your lives – is how much I love being your dad!